I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
