I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
