I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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