My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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