so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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