Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
