On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
