Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
