PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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