TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
