3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize