K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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