I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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