He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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