is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
