i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
