Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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