i permit you to call me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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