I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
