he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
