I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
