i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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