Even the bartender felt bad for me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
