woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
