I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
