I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
