Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
