Sponge bath it is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
