i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
