My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
