And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize