we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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