Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
