She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
