She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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