Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i've created a new STD.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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