I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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