i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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