Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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