Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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