Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
