So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
