she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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