Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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