I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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