first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
