my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
