This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
