Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
