spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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