I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
