he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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