what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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