Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
