I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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