is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
