yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
