Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
