Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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