forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
smell my finger.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
