he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
