Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
